


cuck rung

by Evedawalrus



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Group chat, M/M, cause this fandom needs one of these, chatfic, more chapters will be added as i think of dumb shit for them to say, this will become relevant later on i promise, yes the fic is called cuck rung
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2019-11-07 08:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17957363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evedawalrus/pseuds/Evedawalrus
Summary: Rodimus creates a ship-wide group chat. This proves to be a horrible decision.





	1. The Beginning of the End

**[Rodimus] has created the group chat**

**[Rodimus] has changed his name to Hot Bod**

**[Ultra Magnus] has been added to the chat**

**[Drift] has been added to the chat**

**[Ratchet] has been added to the chat**  

**[Swerve] has been added to the chat**

**Ratchet** : you’re not seriously going to add every bot on the ship to this, are you?

 **Hot Bod:** nah that’s what Swerve is for

 **Hot Bod:** and also for nicknames

 **Swerve:** finally!!!! finally i get to use my nicknaming skills

**Swerve has changed Hot Bod to Hot Thot**

**Hot Thot** : OH

 **Hot Thot** : I LIKE THIS

 **Swerve** : just doing my job B)

**Ultra Magnus has changed his name to Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord**

**Swerve** : wow ok

 **Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord** : Rodimus, why did you create this chat? We all have comms., or memos if you wish to communicate strictly through text.

 **Hot Thot** : what the heck is a memo, sounds like something someone would name their kid in the 80s

 **Swerve** : haha i got that reference

 **Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord** : I didn’t.

 **Ratchet** : I have to agree with Magnus here. Why do we need a group chat?

**Swerve has changed Ratchet to The Giant Rat That Makes All Of The Rules**

**The Giant Rat That Makes All Of The Rules:** what the hell

 **The Giant Rat That Makes All Of The Rules:** swerve I am this close from breaking the hippocratic oath

 **Drift:** aw don’t be too harsh on him ratty, i think it’s kinda cute

 **Hot Thot:** nah i feel like it would fit mags a bit more

 **Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord:** I don’t make the rules, I enforce them. I’m also not a rodent in any shape or form. 

 **The Giant Rat That Makes All Of The Rules:** that’s it i’m leaving

 **Drift** : aw ratty, don’t!

 **The Giant Rat That Makes All Of The Rules** : I’ll come back when I’m not being called a rat, driftwood. I’ll see you after my shift.

**The Giant Rat That Makes All Of The Rules has left the chat**

**Swerve:** oh my god you guys have pet names for each other

 **Hot Thot:** bleh, gross

 **Hot Thot** : we’re down one grump…. i didn’t want for it to come to this but it seems my hand has been forced

**[Megatron] has been added to the chat**

**Megatron:** What is this? Rodimus, you know we have a thing called “memos,” right?

**Hot Thot has changed Megatron to Banned**

**Banned** : Rodimus, what the hell.

 **Hot Thot** : sorry megs, banned

 **Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord:** Rodimus, you can’t just declare Megatron banned a minute after you added him to this chat. You didn’t even actually ban him.

 **Banned** : Thank you, Minimus.

**Hot Thot has kicked Banned from the chat**

**Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord** : Rodimus!

 **Hot Thot** : I was just doing what you said mags

**Banned has been added to the chat**

**Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord has changed Banned to Megatron**

**Megatron:** Thank you again, Minimus. At least someone here has respect for grammar.

 **Hot Thot:** ew

 **Hot Thot:** is this allowed???

 **Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord:** Rodimus, what are you talking about?

 **Hot Thot:** ugh, you know what i mean

 **Hot Thot:** ur gonna be acting like drift n ratchet soon enough

 **Hot Thot:** and when u do im gonna barf

 **Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord:** I’m still confused.

 **Hot Thot:** please continue to be


	2. >:3c

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drift gets a nickname; private messaging is used; Ravage joins the chat.

**Hot Thot:** ok drift u gotta get a nickname too

**Drift has changed his name to Dwift**

**Hot Thot:** wow drift i can’t believe i have to kill you now

**Drift has changed Hot Thot to Wodimus**

**Wodimus:** YOU’RE NOT EVEN A MOD HOW HAVE YOU DONE THIS

**Dwift** : ;3c i’ll never tell

**Wodimus:** fuck…. i have been usurped

**Dwift** : rodimus has fallen

**Megatron:** drift, tell me you’re not doing what I think you’re doing

**Dwift:** now i, dwift

**Wodimus:** oh no

**Dwift:** am LEADER OF THE CRUSADERCONS

**Megatron:** is this my punishment

**Wodimus:** yes

**Dwift:** yes

**Megatron** : i hate this place

 

**_(Private Messaging)_ **

_Megatron: I wanted to apologize for my misuse of proper punctuation today, even if it was in an informal setting._

_Minimus Ambus: It’s alright, Megatron. I would imagine spending any amount of time near Rodimus and the others would damage one’s grammar skills._

_Minimus Ambus: Not to imply that yours are subpar, of course! I apologize if that came across as insulting, it was not my intention._

_Megatron: No worries. I took no offense; rather, I agree that interacting with Rodimus exasperates one’s language skills. Though you seem to be the exception to such a rule, Minimus. I’ve always found your grammar to be immaculate._

_Minimus Ambus: ...You have?_

_Minimus Ambus: Thank you. Your reports are likewise a pleasure to read._

_Megatron: Noted, with thanks._

 

**[Ravage] has joined the chat**

**Ravage:** whw the fujck added mdee

**Ravage:** i shave shared myb nujmber wuthb exactky  none eof u

**Swerve:** what does this mean

**Ravage:** megatejen i swewr to that ornabge twink if du shadred my comm code i asm going tot mjuder you

**Wodimus:** i dont speak cat but did u just call rung a twink

**Ravage** : ru sayuing hes not?/

**Swerve:** he’s got a point

**Swerve changed Ravage to he no like banana**

**he no like banana** : how do yuiouy knonw what i likekm

**Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord:** Ravage, please use proper spelling.

**he no like banana:** i havbev paws ub dupshuit

**Megatron:** I didn't know you had fruit preferences, Ravage.

**he no like banana:** thid sis wnhy no ones like es youi amnymoree mewghatron

**Swerve has changed Megatron to Mewgatron**

**he no like banana:** ahahahahahahja

**Dwift:** :3c

**Swerve:** What's that?

**Dwift:** A cat face with a paw

**Swerve:** Mewgatron :3c

**Wodimus:** Mewgatron :3c

**Dwift:** Mewgatron :3c

**Mewgatron:** Stop.

**he no like banana:** >:3c

**Mewgatron:** this is my punishment. this is worse than death. killing me would be mercy at this point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:3c
> 
> Translations for Ravage's messages:
> 
> who the fuck added me
> 
> i have shared my number with exactly none of you
> 
> megatron i swear to that orange twink if you shared my comm. code i am going to murder you
> 
> are you saying he's not?
> 
> how do you know what i like
> 
> i have paws u dipshit
> 
> this is why no one likes you anymore megatron


	3. look magnus, it's the good kush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the dollar store, how good can it be?

**Dwift:** guys we have a problem

**Mewgatron:** What did Whirl do now?

**Dwift** : Not Whirl this time, it’s worse

**Swerve** : ooh gimme the goss

**Dwift** : uh

**Dwift** : well you see

**Dwift** : I like to bake

**Mewgatron:** And this is news?

**Dwift:** I bake… certain things… that uh

**Dwift:** aren’t always meant for general consumption

**Wodimus:** oh my god what did you make

**Dwift** : ...brownies

**Swerve:** _oh shit_

**Mewgatron:** Brownies? Aren’t those generally regarded as edible?

**Dwift** : well uh

**Dwift** : you see

**Wodimus:** oh yeah I bet they were Edible alright

**Dwift:** ok fuck you

**Mewgatron:** will one of you stop squabbling and explain to me what’s going on already?

**Whirl:** Drift made weed brownies and Magnus ate some and now he’s high as a fucking kite

**Mewgatron** : …

**Wodimus** : h

**Swerve:** when did Whirl join

**Wodimus:** who the fuck cares Whirl where is he please tell me right now

**Whirl:** at Swerve’s

**Swerve:** but I’m closed rn???

**Whirl:** doesn’t matter

**Whirl:** mags is a fucking Unit

**Whirl:** u think something like doors could stop him when hes got the munchies

**Mewgatron:** I’m sorry, are you all saying Ultra Magnus is intoxicated?

**Wodimus:** YEAH

**Wodimus:** HE’S ON THAT GOOD KUSH

**Dwift:** I didn’t mean to!!! I left them on the table for just a minute

  **Mewgatron:** You left food laced with drugs unattended on a table, where someone with a sweet tooth like Magnus could mistake them for simple pastries?!

**Dwift:** my soufflé WAS ABOUT TO BURN

**Wodimus:** wait magnus has a sweet tooth

**Whirl:** of course he does

**Whirl:** and of course megan’s the one who knows that D)

**Whirl:** that was an emoticon of my face by the way

**Whirl:** even though i don’t have a mouth

**Whirl:** thanks for that megan

**Mewgatron:** I refuse to comment on any of that.

**Mewgatron:** Back to the point, you said Magnus was at Swerve’s?

**Whirl:** yeah he’s going ham

**Swerve:** oh god is he eating the bismuth bonbons i JUST GOT THOSE

**Whirl:** nah he’s going for the plutonium pepperoni

**Whirl has sent a video file**

**Wodimus:** damn

**Wodimus:** he’s eating them right from the bag

**Whirl:** he sure is

**Swerve:** tell him to fix my door!!!! that’s breaking and entering!!!! which is a crime!!!!!!

**Whirl** : k

**Whirl:** he started laughing

**Mewgatron:** He-.. he what?

**Whirl:** he’s giggling on the floor now

**Whirl:** he’s saying that he can’t commit a crime because this bar is a crime

**Wodimus:** HAHA NICE

**Whirl:** he said that ur drinks are a crime

**Swerve** : this is a deep wound B(

**Whirl:** now he’s just pointing at different things and saying they’re crimes

**Wodimus:** did he call you a crime

**Whirl:** u fuckin bet he did

**Mewgatron:** Whirl, please ensure Magnus doesn’t accidentally hurt himself or anyone else. I’ll be there shortly.

**Wodimus:** dear god this is amazing

**Dwift:** oh primus above, he’s going to kill me

**Wodimus:** haha yeah

**Wodimus:** but right now he’s totally stoned so i’m lovin’ it

**Swerve:** hey whirl what’s happening now

**Whirl:** megan’s here

**Whirl:** he told me to go away

**Dwift:** and are you?

**Whirl:** what kind of question even is that, no

**Wodimus:** then tell us what’s going on!!!!! I want complete play by play

**Whirl:** yea ok

**Whirl:** megan’s trying to get mags up off of the floor

**Whirl:** magnus pointed at him and said that he’s Every Crime and started giggling

**Wodimus:** DHJKSHSF

**Swerve:** Sghkshdk

**Whirl:** megan’s got this weird look on his face

**Whirl:** he looks like he’s, like, overheating or some shit

**Swerve:** is he angry?

**Wodimus:** nahh, he’s never angry at magnus

**Whirl** : ok he’s gotten maggie to his feet

**Whirl:** maggie just touched megan’s shoulder and said “SHOULDER”

**Dwift:** he… shouted shoulder?

**Whirl:** no he didn’t shout, he just said it super intensely, also he’s staring real close at it

**Whirl:** now he’s looking at his own shoulders

**Whirl:** he just said “my shoulders are fucking huge”

**Wodimus:** magnus said FUCK>??!?>!!

**Dwift:** he WHAT

**Swerve:** oh my god. Oh my god

**Whirl:** yeah megan looks freaked out too

**Wodimus:** the world is ending. Magnus said Fuck

**Whirl:** now he’s staring at megan’s face. megan recovered and he’s sayin “minimus you really need to come with me to the medbay so velocity can

**Whirl:**

**Swerve:** why did you stop? what happened?

**Whirl:** so maggie just put his hand on megan’s face

**Dwift:** What

**Whirl:** he’s like. cupping megan’s cheek

**Whirl:** but his hands are fucking huge so it’s more like he’s holding his head

**Wodimus:** ok i’ve decided this isn’t fun anymore, whirl break them up

**Whirl:** uh no

**Whirl:** this is amazing

**Whirl:** he’s moving his thumb but as mentioned before his hand’s huge, so he’s just kinda rubbing circles across megan’s mouth and half of his eye

**Whirl:** he’s not saying anything

**Whirl:** i think megan’s processor broke

**Wodimus:** i hate this now

**Whirl:** maggie just said “your face is nice”

**Whirl:** he sounds so fuckin stoned

**Dwift:** he’s going to kill me. i’m going to die tomorrow

**Whirl:** megan might kill you first

**Whirl:** he’s redder than

**Whirl:** a really red thing

**Swerve:** ok gtg i need to tell everyone about this now

**Whirl:** im gonna go too, they’re not doing anything anymore

**Whirl:** they’re both just standing there

**Whirl:** wait

**Whirl:** no, maggie just fell asleep

**Wodimus:** drift i want you to know that i blame you entirely for this

**Dwift:** i knew i shouldn’t have used the communal kitchen...

**Whirl:** can i have some of ur souffle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then magnus realizes that oh fuck he likes weed


	4. owo whats this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> megatron gets bullied and tailgate is cute

**Swerve:** ok, who do we need to add to the chat….

  **Whirl:** cyclonus

  **Swerve:** why

  **Whirl:** i wanna bug him with text blippies

  **Swerve:** fair point

  **Swerve:** but in exchange you gotta tell me why u were calling megatron “megan” yesterday

  **Whirl** : cause that’s his name

  **Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord:** Whirl, Megatron’s name is not “Megan.”

  **Whirl:** yeah it is

  **Whirl:** megan the war criminal

  **Wodimus:** fgjhdshkhsd

  **Wodimus:** megan, leader of the decepticons

  **Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord:** _Former_ leader of the Decepticons, Rodimus.

  **Whirl:** megan of tarn

 **S** **werve:** megan of toronto

  **Dwift:** oh i heard we were dunking on megatron????

  **Wodimus:** on megan, drift

  **Dwift:** ah i see

  **Dwift:** megan, destroyer of worlds

  **Swerve:** megan, destroyer of PTA bake sales

  **Wodimus:** dsgfhsbmvbt

  **Ultra Magnus, Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord:** All of you, this kind of taunting towards one’s captain, no matter who that captain may be, is disrespectful and I ask that you cease immediately.

  **Whirl:** it’s 100% within my rights to disrespect megan as much as i like

  **Wodimus:** megatron has no rights

  **Dwift:** megatron is not protected under the constitution

  **Swerve:** megatron’s existence is against the geneva convention

  **Mewgatron:** that’s fair

 

**_(Private Messaging)_ **

  _Ultra Magnus: Pardon my inquiry, but would you know why Rodimus and the others keep sending those random sequences of letters?_

  _Megatron: What exactly do you mean, Minimus?_

  _Ultra Magnus: They keep typing out things like “asdfghjk” or “qwertyuio” and I simply cannot parse what they’re trying to say. Is it some kind of code? They’re not secretly talking about me right in front of me, are they?_

  _Megatron: Oh no, I don’t believe they’re doing that at all. From what I understand, it’s something called a “keysmash.” They do it to represent laughter over a text format._

  _Ultra Magnus: I thought they used an acronym for that._

  _Megatron: They still do; Rodimus only ever replies to my messages with “lol.”_

  _Ultra Magnus: That’s…. unfortunate. Would you like me to talk with him about that?_

  _Megatron: It’s alright, I’ve gotten used to it. Still--thank you for the offer, Minimus._

  _Ultra Magnus: It’s no problem._

  _Ultra Magnus: ...Would you perhaps be available after your shift?_

  _Megatron: I would be. Why do you ask?_

_Ultra Magnus: Well, I was wondering if you might like to get a cube of energon together._

_Megatron: At Swerve’s?_

_Ultra Magnus: Maybe not there- Swerve is still a bit sore over his door….._

_M_ _egatron: Oh, of course. Then… at my habsuite?_

  _Ultra Magnus: Your room?_

  _Megatron: If you don’t want to, that’s perfectly fine- I know it’s a bit empty, and all._

  _Ultra Magnus: No, that’s alright. I actually like how tidy you keep it. It’s admirable._

_Megatron: Oh. Thank you, Minimus._

_Ultra Magnus: So, I can come by an hour after our shifts end. Is that agreeable?_

_Megatron: Perfectly. I’ll see you then._

 

**[Cyclonus] has been added to the chat**

  **Cyclonus:** No, Whirl.

  **Cyclonus has left the chat**

  **Whirl:** u don’t get to escape that easily

  **[Cyclonus] has been added to the chat**

  **Cyclonus** : Whirl.

  **Whirl:** well excuuuuse me for wanting to talk to my FRIENDS

  **Cyclonus:** If I am to stay in this group chat, I would like Tailgate to be added as well.

  **Swerve:** wait, why?

  **Whirl:** cause hes gay

  **Cyclonus** : He does not like to be left out of things.

  **Whirl:** thats not a denial

  **[Tailgate] has been added to the chat**

  **Tailgate:** ooh what’s this????

  **Swerve:** owo whats this

  **Tailgate:** yeah that’s what I’m asking?

  **Swerve changed Tailgate to Marshmallow**

  **Marshmallow** : oh! What’s a marshmallow?

  **Cyclonus** : I believe it is some kind of human food.

  **Whirl** : oh yeha like in that movie with the monster dogs and **ZOOL**

  **Marshmallow:** that movie was kinda scary :(

  **Marshmallow:** the dogs were cute tho!

  **Swerve** : oh fuck ur right

  **Swerve changed Marshmallow to Stay Puft Marshmallow Man**

  **Stay Puft Marshmallow Man:** well hey!! What exactly r u saying about me with a nickname like that????

  **Whirl:** hes saying ur soft and squishy

  **Whirl:** but when incited have the wrath of a godkiller

  **Cyclonus:** This may be true.

  **Stay Puft Marshmallow Man:** aww cyclonus, you think i’m soft?? C:

  **Cyclonus:** Perhaps. What is that symbol you made at the end of your message?

 **Stay Puft Marshmallow Man** : it’s a smiley face! C:

  **Cyclonus:** I do not see how it resembles a smile.

 **Stay Puft Marshmallow Man:** turn ur datapad on its side, cyclonus

  **Cyclonus:** It still doesn’t resemble a smile.  

 **Stay Puft Marshmallow Man** : the other way, cyclonus  
  
**Cyclonus:** ….Ah.

  **Stay Puft Marshmallow Man:** C:

  **Cyclonus:**  That is... endearing.

  **Swerve changed Cyclonus to Tsundere**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im very tired and a little sad but i did some writing and this chap is done
> 
> still, no matter what my mood is i hope y'all enjoy this chapter :)


	5. in which elton john is misquoted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what it says on the tin

**Rodimus: Thotimus**

**Swerve: Swerve**

**Whirl: Whirl**

**Tailgate: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man**

**Cyclonus: Tsundere**

**Brainstorm: Brainstorm**

 

**Wodimus changed to Thotimus**

**Thotimus:** thats better

 **Thotimus:** anyway, anybot know where UM is?

 **Stay Puft Marshmallow Man:** wait, we can change our own names?

 **Swerve:** eh, sometimes

 **Stay Puft Marshmallow Man:** sometimes? 

 **Swerve:** listen i don’t keep track of these things, yes and no

 **Stay Puft Marshmallow Man:** ah, ok then

**Stay Puft Marshmallow Man changed to Tailgay**

**Tailgay:** much better!

 **Tailgay:** I kept forgetting who i actually was in the chat

 **Tailgay:** oh oh oh wait! @tsundere

 **Tsundere:** What is it, love?

 **Tailgay:** can I change ur name?

 **Tsundere:** …As long as you change it to something better than this one.

 **Swerve:** hey, you are _so_ a tsundere

 **Thotimus:** i mean hes like. already with tg, i think that disqualifies him

 **Swerve:** i don’t care about that, he’s still the biggest tsundere on this ship!!!

 **Whirl** : areyousureaboutthat.gif

 **Whirl** : i can name threee other tsunders on this ship

 **Swerve:** go ahead then!!!

 **Whirl** : 1. rodimus

 **Thotimus:** what?????? the fuck r u talking about

 **Tailgay:** ohhh makes sense

 **Thotimus:** im sorry????????????

 **Whirl:** hey rodddy do you like thunderclash

 **Thotimus:** UH

 **Thotimus:** NO

 **Thotimus:** he’s DUMB, wtf would you think that????

 **Tailgay:** uh rodimus that’s not how you use wtf

 **Whirl:** anyway my point is made

 **Whirl:** 2\. Preceptor 

 **Tsundere** : ...Do you mean Perceptor?

 **Whirl:** yes I did, fuckin autocorrect

 **Brainstorm:** what about Percy???,

 **Swerve:** AH WHAT THE HELL

 **Swerve:** When did you get here????

 **Brainstorm:** when Percy got mentioned 

 **Whirl:** ok nerd

 **Tailgay:** we were talking about Perceptor being a tsundere! ...whatever that means

 **Brainstorm:** omg he IS

 **Brainstorm:** so like yesterday I was talking science to him and 

 **Whirl:** WHOA WHOA WHOA THERE IS A _CHILD_ IN THE ROOM 

 **Tailgay:** I’m older than you Whirl

 **Whirl:** ANYWAY

 **Brainstorm** : fine, I can see I’m not wanted >:(

 **Whirl:** 3\. Dinobot 

 **Thotimus:** ...what?

 **Whirl:** u know, Dinobot 

 **Tsundere:** Whirl, do you mean the dino _bots?_

 **Whirl:** uh, no

 **Whirl:** really, and u call urself a history buff 

 **Tsundere:** I’m older than you, Whirl.

 **Whirl:** 4!!!!

 **Whirl:** Mags himself 

 **Thotimus:** ??? What???

 **Thotimus:** who… would he even be a tsundere for?? 

 **Whirl:** do u not have eyes 

 **Whirl:** cause I do 

 **Whirl** : I have 1

 **Whirl:** and those 1 eyes sees Mags goin into Megatron’s habsuite 

 **Swerve:** :eyes: oh really?

 **Swerve:** I guess that answers your question Rodimus 

 **Thotimus:** I 

 **Thotimus:** what

 **Thotimus:** it must be some kind of room inspection. hes done that with my room before, he totally screwed up my organization and threw away my doritos, it was terrible 

 **Whirl:** oh this ain’t no room inspection 

 **Whirl:** I spied with my little eye some high grade 

 **Swerve:** what??? What kind???

 **Whirl:** idk, I think the name on the bottle was uhhhhh zaidian? some dumb name like that 

 **Swerve:** oh my god. that’s high quality engex. that’s the good shit

 **Thotimus** : maybe!!!! they’re just!!!! having a drink!!! as friends!!!!!! 

 **Swerve:** With all due respect captain, you don’t bring Zaidian high grade unless it’s a date 

 **Thotimus** : WHAT

 **Thotimus** : NO 

 **Whirl:** I bet they’re smooching right now

 **Thotimus:** they are NOT DATING

 **Whirl** : ~ _HOLD ME CLOSER TINY BASTARD~_

 **Thotimus:** uGH NO EW EW EW EW

 **Tailgay** : i think it’s sweet! 

 **Tailgay:** mags deserves a man who’ll treat him right 

 **Thotimus:** AND THAT MAN IS _MEGATRON??????_

 **Tailgay:** well

 **Tailgay:** he’ll treat Magnus right!! and that’s what matters!

 **Thotimus** : im gonna throw myself out of the airlock

 **Tailgay:** oh wait, almost forgot! 

**Tailgay changed Tsundere to CycNOnus**

**CycNOnus:** Tailgate, I believed in you.

 **Tailgay:** >:3c

 

 

**[Audio Transcript]**

**[8:30 P.M.]**

 “Good evening, Minimus.” 

“Hello Megatron. How are you today?” 

“I’m doing well- wait, what’s that?”

“Oh, it’s- er, I thought since we can’t go to Swerve’s, I would bring some high grade myself.”

“Huh.”

“...I’m- I’m sorry, that was a bad idea, I can’t handle engex very well anyway, I’ll-”

“Minimus! …I was just going to say thank you.”

“Oh- I apologize for jumping to conclusions.”

“It’s fine, Minimus.” 

“Of course. ...Um, I don’t think there’s a seat large enough for me.” 

“There’s not? That’s- that’s terrible of me, I’m sorry. You can have my seat if you wish, I’ll sit on the berth.” 

“No no, I couldn’t impose! Ah.. Perhaps…”

“...Yes?”

“Er. Well… If I could remove my armor…” 

“Oh. ...Do you need assistance in taking it off?” 

“It- it would be.. appreciated.” 

 

**[Shuffling, quiet clicks]**

 

“There. I trust you’re alright, Minimus?” 

“...Yes! Yes, of course, I’m quite well. Thank you.” 

 

**[ >>]**

 

**[Glass clinking]**

“-And he had the nerve to say that he was just _playing around_. As if he hadn’t been tossing about an explosive as if he was playing a game of hacky sack!” 

“Unbelievable.” **[muttered]** “...Hacky sack?”

“I swear, sometimes it feels like I’m the only one with sense on this ship. The crewmembers – they act like I’m some- some kind of… fun ruiner! I can have fun! See, I even said it that time!”

“Er, Minimus? I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink-”

“I’m having fun right now! It’s different, when it’s just the two of us, you know. It’s so much better.”

“I… Minimus?”  
  
“It’s like that song: you’re the only motherfucker in this city who can handle me.”  
  
“....”

“.....Did I just swear? Oh- oh dear, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s- It’s fine, Minimus. I’m just… ah, a bit stunned.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I get like this. ...This was a mistake.”

“No, certainly not. I… I enjoyed this. Thank you, Minimus.”

“Oh. Hm.”

“You seem tired. I can take my leave, if you wish-”

“No!  
  
“...”

“I mean. Don’t leave. Please.”

“...Alright. Alright, Minimus.”

 

**[End of Audio]**

 

 **Thotimus:** does anyone know why megs is listening to new york by saint vincent??? Not like im complaining or anything cause saint vincent is the slap but. Why

 


	6. ravage has a job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Megatron asks Ravage for help.

**Ravage: Ravage**

**Megatron: Megatron**

 

**Megatron:** Ravage, May I speak with you?

**Ravage:** Yeah? Im kindsa busy but wjhats hap[pening

**Megatron:** Wait, what are you busy doing? 

**Ravage:** u know bettewr than to ask tyhat menagton  

**Ravage:** buyt i’m editing an artiicle, anywyas tell me whatsd up or i’m gomna ighnore yoiur texts

**Megatron:** Alright, fine. It’s just… a sensitive matter.

**Ravage:** I xcan hnandle secretgs, megatron

**Megatron:** You can handle spreading secrets, more like. 

**Ravage:** wown im so hurt

**Megatron:** You’ll have to promise me you won’t be sharing this with anyone. 

**Ravage:** aight  

**Megatron:** I had a meeting with Minimus today. It was a casual meeting—Minimus brought some engex for us to share. 

**Ravage:** eyes emoji

**Megatron:** I don’t like what that image implies. 

**Megatron:** The conversation overall was pleasant. But then, Minimus became… a bit intoxicated.

**Ravage** : a bit??? boi did yio not hear about hedonkia or what

**Megatron** : Hedonia?

**Ravage** : Besically magnus got drunk out of jhis mind and it wsas great

**Megatron** : ...Hm.

**Ravage** :  its weird he’d drink ahgain after that, youd think hne woul;d choose not to be an idiolt for once but no

**Megatron** : Ravage, do not call him that. It’s likely he brought engex to make me feel comfortable. 

**Megatron** : It was very nice engex, anyway. 

**Ravage** :  okl so he got drunk whta hnappened then

**Megatron** : Well, ah… he got a bit… emotional. 

**Megatron** : I won’t specify exactly what he said to keep his privacy, but he told me some things he likely would not have otherwise. 

**Ravage** : did he tell you abouy his sprinklr fanfdiction

**Megatron** : his what 

**Ravage** : nevermnd 

**Ravage** : Ok hee spilled his guts tyo u. Whatg about it

**Megatron** : Afterwards he seemed very tired… he was almost falling out of his chair. I offered to leave in order to give him comfort, but…

**Ravage** : but then u realized it was ur roolm u were in an d youj couldnt just fucvkin give u;\p ur room

**Megatron** : No, not that. 

**Megatron** : ….Though that is true. 

**Megatron** : Anyways, he asked me to... to stay.

**Ravage** : In….. ur own room./

**Megatron** : I helped him to the berth to he could lay down, and he seemed content to fall asleep right there, but there was a problem. 

**Ravage** : Yiou had nowhere to sleep and ur messageing me from ythe flloor?

**Megatron** : I’m on my berth, Ravage. 

**Megatron** : Er. Well, Minimus would not let go of my arm. 

**Ravage** : u cant brewk the hjold of a twink? sad

**Megatron** : I have no idea what that is, but remember that Minimus is a loadbearer. He has hidden strength in those tiny arms. 

**Ravage** : lol

**Megatron** : So now I have a problem. 

**Megatron** : Minimus is… holding me. 

**Ravage** : o really

**Megatron** : I couldn’t get him to let go, so I lay down next to him hoping he would relax his grip and I could slip away. 

**Megatron** : The opposite has happened. 

**Megatron** : ….I can’t move. 

**Ravage** : tyhids is so fjucking funny

**Ravage** : ur talkinf about him likke hes an anacondsa

**Ravage** : mebgatron the s;lagmaker is cuddling. _Cuddling._ Primus thds is great

**Megatron** : If you’re quite done ridiculing me, I texted you in the first place to ask for help. 

**Ravage** : soory im too busy laughing to hasrd to move 

**Ravage** : Besides, wagt do yiou want me to do””??? Sit on  him?????????

**Megatron** : I thought, being a cat, you would know how to get out of a tight situation. 

**Ravage** : yeawhn but im a catr and ur a dumb bear

**Ravage** : hold on km coming over

**Megatron** : Finally.

**Megatron** : Wait. 

**Megatron** : Ravage, where are you?

**Megatron** : Is that- is that you in the vent up there? 

**Ravage** : oh my god tis better thsan i couldve imagkned

**Megatron** : Ravage if that was a flash 

**Megatron** : RAVAGE

**Ravage** : sorry gotta go, theres a gossip mag i gottsa write a column for

**Megatron** : Ravage if you don’t delete that photo I’m going to call Soundwave.

**Ravage** : go ahead. he’d only appr ve and u k,now it  >:3c

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ravage is such a little shit. I adore him.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to the cuck rung server for inspiration, y'all are absolute gremlins <3


End file.
